Holiday Newsletter 2010

Holiday Greetings 2010

It was another tumultuous year. It started with seeking refuge (and contentment) from family, friends and water. Friends helped with more healing and relief than anything Phil’s oncologists could offer. Sister Bonnie and husband Joe for visited at New Year’s. Friends really helped rally his inner strength by helping with the drive to Post Falls for his numerous radiation sessions.

With low counts and slowly increasing stamina, in March we drove to the Oregon coast to enjoy the ocean and sounds of the waves, seafood, seeing friends the McFarland’s in Spokane and the Kohut’s near Portland. We visited Harriet and Joe in Salem and Independence where he gladly helped Joe with his RV airplane project. The March addition of Flight Training featured an article about Phil and his Comanche. A link is posted on his blog site http://www.tourdephil.blogspot.com/ for any who missed it. We caught Bram between the Mohave & the Grand Canyon for the “Wintergrass” Bluegrass Festival in Bellevue, and a visit with Sarah and Ethan in Seattle.

In late March Phil got another full course of chemo just prior to our trip to Cabo. We couldn’t have picked a better place to recover. We had perfect weather, relaxed and enjoyed the company of our hosts, Steve and Claudia. Phil walked the beaches in increasing distances, swam in the pools and had a great snorkeling experience, a pleasure we could have never imagined a few months before. The migrating Grey whales provided incredible entertainment with their rolls, showing their flukes and full breeches.

The eternal optimist, Phil was checking out 1940’s Taylorcrafts, which are classified as light sport, allowing him to fly without his “medical” and talked about getting his glider rating at a nearby airport. He also started guitar lessons, after admitting the need for more structure and direction, and strummed on his grandfather’s Martin he’d used intermittently for years.

A sixty-first birthday was spent in Spokane with McFarland’s seeing a play produced by a Sandpoint group. A PET scan on the 14th showed many tumors popping up at an alarming rate, which he could see or feel. That didn’t keep him from helping friends, QZ and Mark, plant 16 apple trees in their new orchard. Sarah came home for the weekend in time to get me to partake in an African dance workshop. Results of tests at that time were still showing things going south but Phil was hopeful to join a Phase II drug trial and waited for drug company approval, which he died waiting for. He also agreed to participate in a radiation/immunotherapy protocol at NIH in order to do “something”. On April 21 we flew to Boston for another visit with his folks and to see the specialist at Dana Farber for a follow-up. He sincerely hoped he could come up with some definitive treatment, maybe even a third transplant. We lunched with his friend Larry DiCara and sister Lorna after the appointment, walking from Dana Farber through the Fenway to the other side of Boston. After returning to Sandpoint we enjoyed a visit from Burne and Robin from Seattle, albeit cold and rainy, noted particularly during one of his bike rides.

Phil left for Bethesda in early May, (where he stayed with our friend Chinky) ready to participate in the NIH protocol but extreme pain prevented that from happening. It turned out he ended up instead being hospitalized for pneumonia involving the entire left lung and acute renal failure from which he would ultimately never recover. I and later, sisters Nancy and Lorna, Sarah and Bram (who could sooth him with his guitar) flew out to give him solace during that difficult time. He was still hopeful he would finish the required tests, continue the treatment and be back in Sandpoint the next weekend. He narrowly missed being intubated and dialyzed during that stay. A very frustrated Phil did leave for Sandpoint directly from the hospital room in time to host Steve and Claudia from Chico, serving them his famous waffles, and taking in a concert of friends in a local vocal group. He got back on his bicycle and did errands around town with back pain and all. He continued to practice the guitar and meet friends all around town. My sisters Bonnie and Peggy came for a visit the next weekend. The first of June Phil’s kidneys started to deteriorate after briefly teasing us into thinking their function was improving and it was soon after he started on dialysis, which was pure torture for him. Realizing his marrow and kidneys had failed and being in constant pain he decided his quality of life could not improve and chose to die with dignity. With his children and many of his friends at his side he told each of us what we meant to him, incredibly humorously, offered us advice those last couple of days and taught us how to leave this world gracefully. He requested we have a memorial service right away (he knew what he wanted and patience was never his middle name), which we pulled off with incredible help from our children and friends. Even after he died we were still trying to catch up with him. An amazing rendition of all that happened in early June was captured lovingly by Sarah, which you can view on his blog, http:/tourdephil.blogspot.com. The family continues to be blown away by the crescendo of love shown to us. It has been instrumental in helping us through our grieving process.

Living without my soulmate is a strange new world. I’m learning to adapt with the help of a steady stream of visits with friends & family, here in Sandpoint, and out of town, which kept my spirits up.
I went to Port Angeles to the graduation of niece Celina two weeks later where I was able to connect with family and Burne and Robin on Bainbridge Island. Then, brother Tom and his boys, Nicholas and Eli came to Sandpoint for some R&R. They helped pick peas, swam, sailed on the lake, and went hiking at Schweitzer. We had a great time. Sister Barbara and her husband Tom, and Sister-in-law Lorna and husband David also visited here. In August I took the opportunity to travel to the wedding of Sam and Sasha Coffin, son of Patty and Peter from Berkeley, one of the most fun I’ve ever attended. Later that month I hosted a “Woman’s Camp” where Nancy, Chinky, Patty and I put up food from the garden, cooked delicious meals, drank excellent wine, enjoyed the lake, hiked up to Harrison Lake, went to Ainsworth Hot Springs and Nelson, BC for an action packed few days. Other visitors were dear friend Harriet, then Stacey and Chad, along with Paul David. Major house repairs and infrastructure improvements have kept me busy since then. Call if you really need or want the details.

I’m very grateful for my wonderful children. Natty lives close by in Clark Fork where he continues to teach in a small private high school, finding time to fish as often as possible, help river guide, ski and kayak when he’s able. I’m lucky he drops by at least once a week and I can share his growing interest in gardening and cooking. At present he’s traveling in Viet Nam with his girlfriend, Alysoun and friend Jared, returning Dec. 26th. Bram is still somewhat of a nomad, river rafting in Idaho and the Grand Canyon during river season, working in the Mohave on different projects late fall and early spring with a trip to Panama sandwiched in between. This winter you’ll find him on the slopes in Jackson, Wy doing one of his favorite things, skiing. He hopes to eventually go to grad school and is studying diligently for the GRE’s. Sarah or Sarita, is a much sought after speaker, working and coordinating WSU’s Latino Farming program for Western Washington and directing Viva Farms, a bilingual farm incubator for beginning & immigrant farmers, located in the picturesque Skagit Valley. See http://www.VivaFarms.org for more info on her work. She continues to operate http:/www.growfood.org her online site for organic farmers and those interested in farming. She tries to find time to dance, journal, do artwork, run, hike and ski when she time allows. Her husband Ethan is excited about being involved with an innovative venture called Tango Card, a gift card, which you can use thoughtfully three ways. Check it out: http:/www.tangocard.com.

An annual Fall Jewelry Trunk show was held earlier in Nov. For Thanksgiving Natty, Alysoun and I drove to Olympia for a wonderful evening of folk music, story-telling and a Virginia Reel. We stayed with Sarah and Ethan in Seattle where I stayed on to visit my sisters Bonnie, Peggy, the two Joes, cousin Julia, Tom and their daughters Hilary and Alice along with Mark and Nick and saw friends Burne, Robin, Eric and Donna. I returned to a snowy Sandpoint via late train and have been busy with my various groups, projects and duties.

I am taking advice from the book “Tear Soup” by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen, making a unique batch, which will bring me comfort and ultimately help me fill a void in my life created by my enormous loss. I’m not sure how long it will take to cook but it will mellow with time. I hope you all will experience a calm joy filled with gratitude for each and every gift we receive each day. May you have a fulfilling holiday season and take some of Phil’s parting advice: Exercise, wear a helmet, speak with conviction, enjoy everything you can NOW, don’t wait until it’s too late.

Happy Holidays!